Shot Heard 'Round the Throne

I was seated, bare bottomed and quite uncomfortable, in Julia’s bathroom, when the first shot rang out...

Friend or Foe?

I just happen to agree with Mr. Ant; I want those who get to know me to become admirers or my enemies. I want everything to be crystal clear. No stuck in the middle, with clowns to the left and jokers to the right (thanks Mr. Skynard).

Flip a coin – heads you’re a friend, tails, a foe. Easy, straightforward, no confusion, just plain and simple.

But it's not that easy.

Friend or Foe?
Friend or Lover?
Lover or Assassin?

Will all my friends please take one step forward – not so fast Mr. Jack.

Sometimes someone thinks they are your friend, but they are really your foe. They may have scorned you in the past and now you carry a deep resentment for them, but you just can't (or won't) tell them about it.

Maybe they took your parking space (it was yours because you saw it first) or the last piece of cake at the office party (I can name that movie in 1 note).

Maybe he said you were going to meet George Lucas, but instead ended up leaving you naked in downtown Indianapolis (thanks Jay).

Maybe she said she didn't have herpes and she was correct - it turns out she had chlamydia (it still hurts when I pee).

Maybe you met her at a dance, things went very, very well, and yet she leaves to meet her boyfriend (thanks – I can't even remember her name, but it rhymed with itch).

And other times, someone can be your friend and your foe at the same time.

Maybe she threw her ring at you (the one you gave her) at McDonalds when you were six (I still love you Peppermint Patty).

Maybe she dumped you and asked you out again, then dumped you and asked you out again, over and over for 7 years until you were ready to put a gun to your head (thanks Paula – and yes I still love you – want to go out so you can dump me again? I still have the gun).

Maybe she left you for another girl (thanks – name not disclosed to prevent a lawsuit).

Maybe she died under unpleasant circumstances after dumping you (still looking out for you Loni).

Maybe she... Ok enough of my current love life (or lack thereof).

Suffice it to say, friends become foes and foes become friends in a blink of an eye.

I still want those who get to know me, to become admirers.

Communicate not Enumerate

“I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free. There must be 50 ways to leave your lover,” according to Paul Simon.

For me to be free, I need to express myself, on a physical, emotional and spiritual level. My only form of physical express nowadays is my appearance (both me and my website). For emotional and spiritual expression, I am limited to my words (both written and spoken).

I had something else to say, but not today.

Instead, I'll leave you with another set of lyrics.

“All that I wanted, were things I had before
All that I needed, I've never needed more
All of my questions, are answers to my sins
All of my ending, are waiting to begin” - Slipknot, Circle

M.J., I'm Here to Help

Because the Neverland Ranch will bring so many bad memories to M.J., I decided to help him out. I plan on buying the ranch from him, but I am going to change a few of the rules.

Rule 1: Only girls age 18 – 24 are allowed
Rule 2: Everyone gets the 'J' juice
Rule 3: Only girls age 18 – 24 are allowed
Rule 4: I WILL sleep with each and every one of them
Rule 5: Did I mention the girls are over 18?

And the Fortune Cookie Says...

I went to this Japanese place for dinner with a girl (really) and it seems our fortune cookies got mixed up.

Me, loud, emotional, completely obtrusive, with an abrasive personality received this fortune: “ You have a quiet and unobtrusive nature.”

Her, the (I'm not going to say it) received this fortune, “ Your emotional nature is strong & sensitive.”

Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes

You cannot avoid it. Eventually it affects you, your life, your peace of mind. Change is a normal occurrence of everyday life and I'm not talking about nickels and dimes, I'm talking about big change (and noooo that's not quarters and 50 cent pieces).

Once you learn to accept it, life can follow some form of normalcy (whatever that may be). I'm not saying that's good or bad, it just is. Unfortunately just as you get used to the last change, it happens again and again and again.

But there is one thing about change that many people do not know about; you don't have to accept it. You can reject change. Maybe not all the time, but you definitely can do it some of the time. And once you start to reject change, you can then achieve some form of normalcy.

So no matter what you do, accept it or reject – change will happen and life will settle down for a while.

Why am I even talking about this? Because I've been through change; big change. I've reached some level of acceptance and peacefulness about it and I'm NOT ready to do it again.

Got it?!

Promises and Hope

Fortune Cookie Says: there are plenty of promises & hope floating around you.

RegisJack.com Virtual Fortune Cookie (RVFC) Says: there are plenty of (broken) promises & (false) hope floating around (taunting) you.