Dragon*Con and the Rebirth of RegisJack

It's been quite on the website for a few months. Some people thought that I may have given up, stopped writing, or even committed suicide. Where is the Regis Jack everyone knows and loves?

He was dead. But not anymore.

Regis Jack will be at Dragon@Con this weekend, wearing his kilt, giving away buttons, signing autographs (for the few that may actually care), and displaying a few of the new graphics found on the T-shirts at regisjack.com.

I believe I have create some of the most offensive T-shirts that even hardcore people wouldn't dare wear them. If you haven't seen my line of “Suicide Shirts”, go back to regisjack.com and check out the store. I'm not just saying this to sell shit, it's dare. And if promoting suicide is too much for you, there are some religious items that are basic, but will piss off any Christian you may find.

So as I, Regis Jack, become reborn, I begin writing again, continuing my work on, “Probe of Uranus”, a humorous SciFi novella about a guy who wants to use a time machine to get laid, but ends up as the key to the destruction of the universe. It will have humor, sex, rape, death, time travel, space ships and some scenes that may be too much for a traditional publisher, so you will have to find it on my website.

Ok, enough self promotion, I'll do enough of that at Dragon*Con.

If you see me there, say hi – I'll be easy to spot - not young, bald, denim kilt, flashing lights, lots of buttons attached to give away, painted nails, rosary, and talking a lot to people I don't even know. I won't be the most freaky person there, just freaky enough to get some attention. You will find me anywhere Traci Lords goes, at the nightly drum circles, or otherwise looking to get laid.

So, alas, I must sign off as I head down to Atlanta, Ga for Dragon*Con 2006.

One of the Seven Seals has been Broken

Back in April 2005 (if anyone remembers back that far), I confessed my ultimate dreams about Britney Spears and it seems today one has been realized.

Britney, pregnant, nude (in today's standards), with black hair on the cover and inside of August 2006 Harper's Bazaar magazine. Ok, so it's not nude in Playboy (like Dream #2 states), but the dark hair makes up for it.

So now there are only 2 Britney dreams left – next stop Marilyn Manson.

On The Set Of Heart Of An Empire

This past weekend I had the opportunity to be on the set for some green screen shooting for Heart of An Empire (click the link, check it out). My friend, lets call him “Jay” (his real name) has been working on this documentary for several years and is in the final editing process. This weekend was some green screen work for the intro to the movie. When he called me up and asked if I wanted to help, I was more then glad to do it.

The shoot was pretty cool. In Attendance were:

• Jay (Producer/Director)

• Dave (Asst. Director/Associate Producer) with his 7 year old daughter in tow

• Matt (Marketing)

• Justin (Editor)

• Chris (The Sand Trooper - the star of the shoot)

• Regis Jack (no useful talent)

Although everything did not go perfect – missing cables, dead batteries, video transfer problems, the “star” of the shoot was delayed – it was, in my opinion, a very successful and entertaining shoot. Even though I don't have any experience in making movies (not legitimate ones at least) I did get to do a few odd jobs.

• I walked back and forth in front of the green screen to help test the cameras and equipment before Chris arrived.

• Turned some lights on and off (after appropriate instructions from Jay)

• During the shoot with Chris, I became the prop master. For each take I would look over the Sand Trooper costume and straighten out, reattach or correct anything out of place so that it would look as perfect as possible for each take (and man there were a lot of takes)

• Helped out as Jay needed (if Jay says jump, I say, “What!?”)

I learned a lot that day. I learned that the lights on a movie shoot are hot, hot, hot. No amount of air conditioning can stop the heat. And if it was hot for me, it was much hotter for Chris in side the armor. I also learned not to lick the lens of the camera; Jay wasn't very happy with that.

I also got to hang out in the almost completely unknown offices of Bedford Falls Graphics (Matt's company which does the website for Heart of An Empire - it's in the same building as the studio).

And Matt was filming a Webumentary episode for the website, which contains a brief interview with some of the crew and also me. So check it out on the Heart of An Empire website – it should be published soon (should be episode 11).

The end result of the shoot looked great in the raw footage and will look even better once the background and opening credits are applied.

Overall I had a great time and would gladly do it again. It's strange, I normally I like to be the center of attention, but it was great to be a part of something larger them myself. This isn't something I get paid for (and I don't expect to be) – all I ask is that Jay and Matt make my website link bigger on their “Friends of Heart of An Empire” section of the website each time I help out. After all, I am a media whore.

Look for Heart of An Empire in theaters, hopefully in 2007.

NASCAR Math

As the NASCAR season starts again, I felt it was important that I put in my two cents on the subject. One of the things I like most about NASCAR is naming of signature moves based on the driver it most exemplifies.

For instance, what had been known as the 'bump-n-run' will forever be known as 'the Earnhardt'.

When a driver really, really, really, really extends their fuel mileage, they are pulling a ‘Newman’.

Giving someone the finger is now called flipping someone ‘the Stewart’.

If you’re constantly finishing at least 1 lap down, that’s a ‘Wallace’ (or an Earnhardt Jr).

And last, but not least, if you are constantly changing the rules for no other reason then to piss people off, you're called ‘NASCAR’. I’m not saying any of this is true, fair or even just, that’s the way it is.

Besides drivers being linked to moves, drivers are also linked personality traits. For instance, being an ass is said to be like ... well that was a bad example, because that varies from race to race, but the term 'Young Guns' has been used to describe the drivers still in diapers ... ok, again, not the best thing to say – I meant the young teenagers, etc that are driving – not the 'Seasoned Veterans' (which may also be in diapers).

Then one day I sat down and started thinking (and boy are my arms tired), there is yet another thing that binds drivers together. Their numbers. Although you will find other drivers and other formulas to use, here is my favorite.

((Jimmy Johnson / Kyle Busch) * Tony Stewart) / Jeff Gordon = Dale Earnhardt Jr.

If you look at it from the math point of view you get: ((48/5) * 20) / 24 = 8

Ok, I know, now you are asking your self what this means (go ahead do it, ask yourself, I'll wait)... I don't know, but it looks cool.

That's the way I see it. Sorry you had to read it.

Additional: I was going to say that if you car is running long and hard all day, that’s called a ‘Johnson’, but I wasn’t sure anyone would think that was funny.

St. Valentine's Day Trinity

Back in 2003, I waxed historical about Valentine's Day. I researched its roots and celebrated the romance of the day. Love was ingrained in my soul. I was happy.

By 2005, my views on Valentine's Day had taken a turn for the worse. As love was being forcibly drained from my body I no longer saw anything positive about that day. I created an Anti-Valentine Day Checklist (buy T-shirts and mugs with the checklist in the store) and followed it to the letter.

So here I am in 2006 (and still using “so” to start sentences for some very strange reason) and I've fallen even deeper into the pit of resentment I hold for Valentine's Day. It makes me ill to think there are couples out there who share love and will use this day to by gifts, show there love, and have sex (I still like to believe that humans still do this). I see nothing positive about this day. To commemorate my momentous depression I have taken my Anti-Valentine's Day Checklist and put it on T-shirts (ash grey, black, yellow, green) and coffee mugs for your own enjoyment.

That's the way I see it, sorry you had to read it.

Life is Good (not really)

Today's blog will be different the the blogs of the past year and half. There has been a disturbing pattern developing here at RegisJack.com. So much of the content is depressing, bleak, hopeless, upsetting, and just downright dreary. But today I am going to focus on the positive things in my life. I'm going to blog about the things that make me happy and provide me with a sense of worth.

So here it goes...

...

That's they way I see it, sorry you had to read it.

Happy Fracking New Year

Here is RegisJack.com's 2005 year in review.

I've heard voices that only I can hear (and you will still hear them)
I saw arrows (even with your eyes closed)
Britney did NOT appear pregnant and nude in Playboy (there is still hope)
I got Jack Bauer's number (so did everyone else)
SWCIII (when is SWCIV?)
I've searched for ghosts (in all the wrong places)
I've made some friends (...)
I've played a drum or two (it helps drown out the voices)
Got another year older (your up to 327)
Didn't have sex (only because no female would ever consider it)

It was a year of confusion (a year of conflict)
It was a year of pain (pain is so close to pleasure)
It was a year of depression (but who really cares)
It was a year of torment (that will never change)

I expect 2006 to be no different (It will be different, it will be shorter)