Female or Amateur Female?

While browsing ads on my local Craigslist recently, I came across the following:

"Looking for an amateur female or female to take adult style photographs of me (I'm male) I can provide the digital SLR camera also if needed. I do not have a location to shoot, but would be up for shooting at whatever location is comfortable. Contact me if you are interested or have any questions, thanks."

I found so many things interesting about this ad, I had to blog about it.  Let me break it down.

"Looking for an amateur female or female" - I'm not exactly sure of the difference between a female and an amateur female, but I think a female is born with a vagina and an amateur female still has a penis but looks like a mighty fine woman (can someone say Bailey Jay?  Google or Bing the name, you know you want to.)

"to take adult style photographs of me (I'm male)" - Everyone who reads this thinks of one thing and one thing only.  Penis.  Look at my penis.  I'll be naked and I have a penis. Did I say penis?

"I can provide the digital SLR camera also if needed" - This just means he is packing more equipment than just his penis.

"I do not have a location to shoot, but would be up for shooting at whatever location is comfortable." - I'm married and want to meet you at your place or some hotel room.  Your place is better as you may have a cute roommate and after I'm naked and you see my big bad penis we could have a threesome.  Then I'll "hide" the pictures on my hard drive and accidentily post to Facebook and twitter.

I know some of you are thinking that I placed the ad.  Guess you'll have to answer it to find out!

That's they way I see it, sorry you had to read it.

Finally, I Don't Care

I just returned from spending 4 days at the beach and I have realized that for those 4 days, I didn't give a crap about anything. It was great. But instead of writing some insightful, yet entertaining blog post about, I'm just going to make a list of what I remember from the beach.

• iPad was great for navigation (although I could really use better directions)


• Butt Fuzzies


• My fingers prune when it rains, but in and around the ocean, nope.


• Bitch Slapped by the waves


• Naked


• Dead Jellyfish *sniff*


• Tiny Crabs (spider-like) used for fishing bait


• Watching the sunrise, even when it was hazy


• It burns when I pee now


• Watching the moon rise


• Bleeding like a stuck pig


• Big Ass Hole (three words)


• Let's talk about drinking (but shoot me in the head first)


• Sleeping to the sound of the ocean.

That's all for now.  Sorry you had to read it.

Taking a Podcast Break till 2010

Since June 29, 2008, I have been recording a weekly podcast and only twice in 74 episodes have I completely missed my mark and did not post one.  And while I have successfully recorded many episodes, sometimes I’ve struggled to get it recorded and posted for all to hear.  Well now the struggle is over as I am going to take a break.  While I consider this a monumental failure on my part, please consider the next 3 weeks (maybe a few more) a vacation from listening to my voice and be glad to have 40 minutes a week back in your life to do something more productive.

But don’t worry.  Although I don’t know the exact return date or schedule for the show, I WILL podcast again. This is because I, like Dexter Morgan, have a dark passenger that is always there, lurking, hiding and waiting to get out.  My passenger is creativity, not killing people, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have the same power over me as his has over him.

To keep you entertained, here are a myriad of reasons why I struggle to record a podcast on any given week.  They are in no particular order:

• There is a holiday like Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Independence Day, Arbor Day, etc and I’m spending time preparing for them and spending time with the family. This includes some birthdays (significant ones, not the piddly little ones).

• I’m on vacation in some remote location with no internet access with a beautiful woman and she demands all my attention.

• Sometimes it’s best to get away from the online world and live in the real one.

• I’m in jail. Hey, shit happens.

• Work. Any work that involves getting paid will take priority over podcasting which pays nada.

• I’m sick, injured or dead. I might be able to podcast from beyond the grave - I’ll work on that.

• Technical difficulties. This includes computer malfunctions, software issues, internet issues, hosting issues and/or website issues.

• I’m attending some really cool event, con, or award ceremony where I am the center of attention.

• There’s a naked girl.

• Sometimes I just don’t care.

That’s the way I see it and I’m so sorry you had to read it.